Kitty Cat Cat Cats. By Porter.

That's my Cat!  And some other girls.

I'm not sure if I've told you guys, but Cat is my bestest friend in the whole wide world (other than momma).  She came to live with us when she was big (I was super tiny when I came to live with us), and we got to grow up together cause we're the same age kinda.  Today Cat has been living with us for EIGHT years!  I'm pretty happy cause that means we've been friends for eight years.  I try to be friends with Turner but he keeps stealing my stuff.  Turner says it's all our stuff but he takes it right out of my mouth!  I growl but then we get in trouble.



Oh right.  Me 'n Pounce got in trouble this week.  Sometimes Pounce makes me mad and I say bad things to her, then she says bad words back.  Usually she bites me, not hard, but still makes me so mad!  We got sent off to our corners, I dunno why I had to go to, it's never MY fault.  Pounce always gets me in trouble.  But then later, we went in the bathroom and the empty toilet paper roll hit the ground and I stole it first and wouldn't let Pounce have ANY of it!  HA HA HA HA!!!  Empty TP rolls are Pounce's favouritist thing in the whole wide world, and I TOOK IT!  Take THAT!

We got to have fresh peas for dinner tonight!  I love fresh peas.  I like to savour them and enjoy every pod, but the sheer number of dogs that live here make that impossible.  I think momma and I should move out on our own.  Oh, Cat can come too.  But no cats.  Momma said something about moving, so maybe we are!  Oh, I guess HeLa can come, I don't mind her.  And then Pounce would hafta come cause she wears HeLa out.  And then Turner might as well come cause he'd be lonely without all of us.  huh.  My plan fell apart there didn't it?

Unfortunately I don't have any fun stories.  We've been pretty boring around here lately.  It's too hot to move.  *I* am the only smart one that goes wading in our wading pool.  HeLa says she'll melt, the others used to wade, but not this year.  Dunno why. 

Till next time, hopefully I'll have more fun stories!

By Porter.

Life with girls. By Porter.

So, remember how I said HeLa was smelling good?  Yah, it goes on forreeevvvvveerrrrrrr.  She tells me off all the time, I guess she doesn't like my nose up her butt.  Weirdo.  Well now she has hired Pounce to tell me off! What the heck!  All I do is raise my ears way up cause it makes my nose work better and BLAMMO!  She bites me in the face.  I'm not sure how she can bite me in the face when she's across the room, but somehow, she does it.  I wonder where she gets the money to pay Pounce?  I don't think she has a job, she's three crates down from me in the daytime and I don't ever see her leave...plus I don't think she can work her crate to get out.  Either way, No Fun Pounce...sigh.

HeLa tried to scare momma.  She drank lots and lotsa water cause it's hot and she was running around with NFP and when she came in her tummy was all big.  I TOLD momma it was just water, but she got worried, I guess dobermans can blow up like balloons?  I did not know this...kinda seems like a design flaw.  Momma said it can happen to any of us, but I have never had a balloon in my belly.  Anyhoo, she's all fine now, silly momma.

OH OH OH!  All the dinosaurs hatched!  They go CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP and sound like snacks when momma is trying to catch them.  I wish they weren't in a pen in the chicken pen.  There's lotsa them, no one would ever notice if I played with one a little bit.  There are more in the bathroom down the hall but they only go cheep cheep cheep so I think they're littler and fewer, we only got one from the box on the table but momma brought more home last weekend too.  I dunno why we have so many dinosaurs with feathers.  Oh....momma just said, if anyone wants to buy chickens, (chickens?  I thought they were dinosaurs) to let her know!  She has lots for sale cause she's SICK OF FIGHTING WITH THE RAVENS she says.

That's it for me!  Someone tell Pounce to stop biting my face please....

Me n Eva

No Fun Pounce Strikes Again. By Porter.

Me again!

SIGH.  SIIIIIIGGGGHHHHH.  You know how Pounce gets called No Fun Pounce cause she sometimes doesn't let us have fun (she has a lot of rules).  Yah.  She's a big meanie.  I remember back in the day when she was cute and pouncey.  Now she's just teethy.

HeLa just started smelling kinda good and all grown up in the last couple days.  Pounce has been playing with her lots so I figured, "Hey!  I like to play with HeLa when she smells good too!"  NFP (NoFunPounce) said NO WAY PORTER and won't let me play with her!  How unfair is that?!  She kept pushing me out of the way and standing between me and HeLa.  I mean come on, she can't her all the friends all to herself all the time!

Momma didn't even come to my rescue or tell NFP off.  She LET her be snotty.  SIGH.  She said "Porter we have three more weeks of this, you better not be a pain the whole time".  Why am *I* getting in trouble, what did *I* do???

OH!  AND!  Cat gets to be loose in the house now!  What, just cause Cat is a couple months older than me she gets to be loose?  She doesn't even do patrol, she just curls up on the couch and sleeps.  I mean if I was loose I'd make sure there was no food left anywhere, and if so, clean it all up, even if that means climbing over gates and stuff to get it.  It's important food doesn't go bad on counters.  I'd also make sure strangers know this is OUR HOUSE by putting a weeeeee bit of Porter smell on the odd corner.  How is Comatose Cat better than Protective Porter? 

My sister is still here.  She finally isn't growling at us all all the time.  SHE also gets to be loose in the house.

This week just gets worse and worse.  i don't even have any pictures to share with you.

By Porter.

The Importance of Cuddles. By Porter.

It's time to get serious guys.  You need to give your dogs lots of cuddles.  Nice massages around our faces and ears.  Tummy rubs (if your fuzz butts like that sorta thing, not all of us do...and some of us it's more sides of the tummy rubs cause we have boy parts in the middle), bum scritches, all very important.  

When you massages our ears it helps give us nice relaxy feelings.  Momma even did it with Fleece every night because it maybe helped her not get sick like she did.  She does it with all of us now and it puts us right to sleep.  It just feels so good and makes us mushy. 

Zazzles and HeLa give each other cuddles.  Not sure if they tell momma their findings though.

When you feels all around our heads and necks you feels our limf (editors note:  lymph) nodes if they're bumpy.  That means we might be sick.  Momma says her limf nodes are puffy right now cause her tonsil is angry and swollen.  I'm not sure why limf nodes are such reactive sorts but they are. 

When you gives us tummy rubs it helps you find out if our tummies are sore, or if we have skin itchies, or if we have weird lumps, 'specially 'round our nipples. 

HeLa loves tummy and chest rubs.

When you gives us massages and bum scritches, you find any lumps and bumps that might be new.  Usually these are no biggie, just fatty lumps...even if you're not...um...puffy...like me, you can still get fatty lumps.

We all love cuddles.

Momma had to take Cat to the vet for a checkup the other day and while they were there she had the doctor guy (he's GREAT he gives us cookies, but Cat doesn't like people touching her inappropriately so it wasn't her idea of a good time) check up all her lumps.  Me n Cat are getting older so our bodies are changing.  The doctor guy felt one he didn't like the feel of.  The others he said "how did you find these, they're so small!" to my momma...it's cause she gives us lots of cuddles.  Anyhoo, Cat told me that the doctor guy stuck a needle in her bum! (editors note: it was a needle in the lump, which is on her croup).  Today momma got a phone call that made her so happy!  She said Cat just had fat in her lump.  PHEW!  Though wait...what else could it have been?  I dunno.  But I'm sure glad we get lotsa cuddles.  But I hope I don't ever have a weird lump cause I sure don't want a needle in my bum, that sounds pretty terrible!

So, Go.  Cuddles for everyone! 
By Porter.

A Belated Yesterday. By Porter.

Ahem.  Ahhhhem.  hem.hemhem.

HAAAAPPPYYYY BIRRTTHDAAAAAAY (yesterday) TOOOO YOUUUUU!
HAAAAAPPYYYYY BIRRRTHDAAAAAY (yesterday) TOOOO YOUUUU!
HAAAAAPPPYYYY BIRRRRRRTHHHDAAAAAAAYYYYY (yesterday) DEEEEAR HEEEELAAAAA

HAAAAAAPPYYYYY BIRRRTHDAAAAAY (yesterday) TOOOOO YOUUUUUUU!!!!

Yep.  We sorta forgot HeLa's birthday yesterday.  No wonder she was being so bad!  She was into EVERYTHING yesterday, I bet it was cause she was looking for her present and cake.  Now I feel bad.  But not really cause I'm not on the present OR cake committee.  That's all momma, she has the plastic card that buys stuff.  Besides...I do NOT remember getting cake or presents for MY birthday. 

I notice today that HeLa has a new necklace on.  Her winter one got put up and today she has Mickey Mouses on her necklace.  It's pretty cute.  So yah, she got a present.  I still never got nothing for my birthday.  I'm EIGHT, I do not remember EIGHT presents.  Or EIGHT cakes.  or EIGHT songs. 

I think this year we should have another cake year.  We didn't even have HeLa last time we had a cake to share!  That's it.  I'm gonna start a petition.  I don't really know what that is, but it's called a PETition, so it must be something that pets do to get stuff they want.

Momma also realized we don't have a group photo of everyone except in the snow!  So she said HeLa has to learn how to stay now.  Good luck with that, that kid never stops moving!

Well, I don't have much else to say, except we all apologize to HeLa for missing her birthday yesterday.  By Porter.

see.  Always moving.

Racing in the Rain. By Porter.

Oh boy you guys (yep, I'm skipping riiiight over my absence), what a night tonight!  It's really rainy tonight!  I don't mind the rain, but certain other members of our household (HeLa) aren't fans.  Neither is my sister Eva.  Eva is here!  She was just here at Christmas and now she's here again!  I like her, but she isn't used to having so many of us dogs around so tries to avoid us all.  And the rain.

This is me and Eva on our 8th birthday when she was here in December

Tonight we all got put outside for our bedtime pee.  I busied myself with trying to figure out how to get in the chicken pen again (bugger, it was locked, something about chickens getting out and Pounce pouncing and Butch being humiliated, but that's a story from yesterday).  The girls all went pee, even HeLa.  Turner toodled off behind the house to do his Turner stuff.

Turner back in February

Then we all came in, got the house all wet like we like to do.  Except Turner.  Momma called him and called him, no Turner.  This is not like Turner at all!  He always listens, he's actually a bit of a brown noser.  With a brown nose incidentally.  I like to keep momma on her toes, that's WAY more fun!  Anyways, she asked us if we'd seen him, we hadn't, she called and called...nothing.  She was getting pretty worried, I could tell.  She said something about maybe he hurt himself or got stuck somewhere, or something about falling down and it being really bad.  (she tends to go to the worst case scenario kinda easily).

So, Pounce and HeLa got outfitted in their light up collars - they had to go because they get into stuff, shocker, *I* was left loose.  Fairly surprising as I'm the one who likes to to explore a bit.  They all went out in the pouring rain, momma in her jammies.  Searched allll over for Turner, and guess what?  He got himself locked in the garden!  That is something I would do!  That is something I have done...a lot.  But it's been either the goat pen or the chicken pen cause there's yummy snacks in those pens.

all of us in our light up collars!

That was our excitement for the night.  Momma said that she was giving me the job of reporting on the farm goings on because everyone liked my writing.  She said something about eggs and hatching that I'll get to write about soon.  I'm not sure what that means, but there's a big box on the table making fan noises and little ball things in there.  A LOT of little ball things.  Dunno what's gonna come out of them, maybe dinosaurs! 

That's all for today!  See you next time we have and adventure!

Just a little Porter for your enjoyment.

Oh Porter. By Porter.

Guess who's home?  It's me!  Porter!  Finally!  I tried really really really hard to come home sooner, but no one would listen to me.  First,I wouldn't talk to momma on the drive over.  Isn't she supposed to respect my wishes?  I WISHED I got to stay home.

Next, I figured if I pooped on the floor there would be no option but to send me home.  I mean what kind of good houseguest poops on the floor?  Yah, did it three times.  No go.  Still didn't get to go home.  Tried peeing on some stuff too.  Still nothing.

I tried howling at about 5:30 every morning.  I was sad, so everyone needed to hear it.  I also chose this time so that it would annoy gramma and grampa so they'd send me home.  Momma just said "Oh Porter" whenever she was told about my shenanigans.

I snuck into the kitchen all the time and slept under the office desk and spread printer ink EVERYWHERE.  My next step was to open up the cartridges and make a big mess, but gramma foiled my plan.

It was extra hard to be away from home cause this was my first stay at gramma and grampa's that momma-Impulse wasn't there.  It was really hard to know what to do, cause she always told me when I was being stupid.  It's hard not to be stupid when there's no one telling you not to do stuff.  So I decided that it was MY job to tell everyone what to do.  'Cept all there was was Gambol.  Apparently Porters aren't allowed to tell Gambols what to do.  I got in lots of trouble.

Anyways, FINALLY yesterday momma came and got me.  We went for a big drive and I got to sit on the front seat...as I should in my new position of big boss man.  Then we got home....and Turner told me I wasn't the big boss man.  Cat told me I wasn't the big boss man.  Pounce has told me MANY times that I'm not the big boss man, nor the baby daddy.  HeLa's cool with me being whoever I want.  I like HeLa.  Sorta forgot that she lived here.

Oh, I tried the howling at 5:30...momma doesn't think it's cute either.  But she made me sleep in a crate!  COME ON!

I know it's not Christmas yet, but really, how do you get cuter?  And I thought after the stories about me being bad that you might need some cute Porter to remind you all how much you love me.  :)
By Porter.