I've been elected. By Porter

Haha, thought you meant for president didn't you!  Bet you'd vote for me too huh?  No, I mean by the aussies.  The aussies elected me to talk to HeLa.  Hopefully this little ditty will get her attention.

HeLa, we are not cushions, 
we are not beds.
you are not a hat to be stuck on our heads.

HeLa we are not couches,
we are not cots,
you are not meant to sit on us lots.

Not davenports, divans, trundles or bunks.
Nor chesterfields, settees, what gives punk!

Not armchairs, benches, recliners or sofas.
C'mon Beans please find somewhere else to loaf - Ah!

HeLa, we all like you fine,
but you seem not to know,
and we're hopeful you'll learn this as you grow...

That even though we're hairy,
and kinda soft and warm,
WE ARE DOGS!  Dogs true to form!

Please stop sitting on us,
Porter, Pounce, Cat and Turner.

She also just sits on us.  We'll be all laying nice on the floor and she wanders up and plunks her butt down right on top of us adn sits there.  HOW RUDE!  (momma helped me with some of the words cause I didn't know that many words for couch and bed).

By Porter.

Just say no....HeLa! By Porter.

Well, I got all ready for company, but Astorm was rude and never showed up.  I guess that's a good thing though, she didn't sound like a very nice visitor, not sure why momma was letting her stay here.

So, like all adolescents, HeLa is keeping us on our toes and is "experimenting".  She tried to become Harry Potter...or I guess Hermoine Granger.  Or something like that, she wanted to be magical!  I'm not really sure how it works, but someone at school musta told her that eating mushrooms makes you magical (it wasn't us aussies, we are GOOD!) so she tried some at a lunch time.  Thank goodness momma saw her eating it!  Then there was some hoopla and salt and and momma was acting kinda panicked I guess cause HeLa wasn't barfing - weird cause salt makes all us aussies barf.  Then they left fast and HeLa told me after that momma went to a store and came out with a drink and poured fizzy stuff that tasted really bad down her throat.  Then she said she barfed and barfed and out came her mushroom.  She said she didn't even get to see fun things yet.  I think she was sorta disappointed.  Luckily it wasn't a kill-you mushroom, just a make-you-see-crazy-things mushroom.  But now HeLa isn't allowed outside without momma.

HeLa, HeLa, HeLa.  You can TELL it's bad just by looking at it!

In more HeLa news (maybe I should eat mushrooms so I have news about me), momma took her ear sticks out!  I'm not sure why, I was getting used to her ear sticks.  But funny thing, her ears stand up WITHOUT the sticks!  How does that work?  She said when she was little her ears were floppy like mine.  I dunno, maybe she is magic.  Then she had to have her sticks put back in after a few days cause her ears got lazy.

No sticks!

Enough about HeLa.  It's time for PORTER news!  Ummm, I don't got much, I'm a good boy, dont' rock the boat much.  Today I tried to fence fight with the neighbour's puppy while momma was cutting broom.  She got really mad and made me come in the field with the goats.  Thank goodness it's a big field so I didn't have to see the goats and most important they didn't see me.  HeLa had to put them away tonight and she said that she LICKED one of their noses!  GROSS!  Why she'd want to be so close is beyond me, but why lick a nose??  I'm not sure we can be friends anymore.

OH!!  Most important news of all, and proof that maybe HeLa is good news.  Momma turned on the fire cause she was always shivery.  First the fake one in the bedroom, and then the real one in the living room.  Which was silly cause then she opened up the clear door because it was hot in here.  I thought it was perfect.  I like hot if you remember.  I'm gonna practice my shivering.

That's all from me for now.  If you have any topics you'd like me to discuss, let momma know and I'll consider it.  Mostly I like talking about me, but I might be able to widen my horizons.

By Porter.

Astorm Brewing...Brewing what? By Porter.

Hey, me again!

Thought it would be years before you saw me again hey?  Nope, here I am!

We're getting company!  I don't know if I've met them before but I think they're bringing beer maybe?  Momma says Astorm's coming.  Sometimes she says Astorm's brewing.  So, I think Astorm is brewing beer to bring when they come to our house!  If you remember corretly, I like beer.  Weird preparations for Astorm's visit though.

All week momma has been moving gravel from the big play pile into a long path so us dogs can run around back without getting our feet wet.  Not really sure why it's leading to the goats.  Why  haven't they left yet?  Maybe I need to leave a gate open.  Anyways.  Momma also spent the evening moving stuff around in the yard and putting dry grass in a garbage bag from the big round marshmallow of dry grass and then wrapping up the marshmallow with a tarp.  Yet again, for the goats.  Maybe it's a good sign she's throwing the grass in a garbage bag.  Maybe the goats will go to the garbage dump too!  Momma said it's cause it's gonna get windy and wet.  Is Astorm bringing bad weather AND beer?  I don't mind bad weather, but oh boy, HeLa is NOT a fan.  You should see when she goes outside.  She wears a sweater, a rainjacket and a hat.  She needs to grow some hair, she's sorta behind in that department, she's putting all her energy into growing ears I guess.

Her sweater, this is just house attire.

 Okay right, Astorm.  So this Astorm person seems to be causing a fuss, apparently EVERYONE is talking about her!  Seems everyone thinks she's coming to their house.  How can she be everywhere at once? 

Momma was busy after work today too.  I think she was trying to trick me and is actually planning on going somewhere cause she put me in the car...though it might have been to protect me, Turner told me later he took the goats out for a few minutes.

I was NOT going to get out of the car.  The more I thought about it, the more I think Astorm is probably not the best guest.  Pounce told me after that she's pretty sure Astorm was outside last night and kept moving stuff around outside and making Pounce bark.  Pounce is sometimes a scaredy cat so I didn't think much about it at the time.  I figured that in a crate in the car was probably pretty safe, I mean if goats can't even get me there, Astorm isn't going to find me either!  (hasn't ANYONE heard those song lyrics "sheep go to heaven, goats go to hell"...they're not good news folks!).  So then momma had to physically haul me out of my crate.  I was still not convinced.

sorry, I dunno how to make it not sideways.

I was going to see if I could figure out how to open the doors and get back in.  But I got "PORTER.  COME. HERE. NOW".  So, I figured I better listen.

Anyhoo, I need to go help momma put HeLa's sweater on, she's all shivery cause she's not wrapped up in a blanket.  Seriously, grow some hair HeLa!!

I'll check in after Astorm has visited and let you know what kinda guest she was.
By Porter.

Horror of Horns. By Porter.

Miss me?  Momma told me I could use the computer when I wanted now cause she doesn't use it as much so I thought I'd check in and let you know what's been going on the last couple years.

I think everyone knows it's been sad, so I'll gloss over that.

Fleecey

Conway

 

Impulse

Felix

Luna

 

There's been lots of changes.  Halen lives in Calgary now (does that mean he lives with Cal and Gary?  I dunno) and he's loving life.  Momma told us he's a Champion now!  That's kinda cool, but I don't know how it happened.  I mean his ears stuck up, he had a stupid long tail and was WAY BIG!  But whatever, clearly I wasn't the judge.

Soooo, le'see, Pounce is a champion too, but that makes sense, she's super adorable!  Even if she still pounces everywhere.  Wait a minute.  How come Pounce doesn't get into trouble when she goes where she's not supposed to?  She jumps over all the gates, and never ever gets yelled at!  I get yelled at all the time.  Okay, maybe not all the time, but Turner and me sometimes want the same toy and I growl.  Okay, I mean that I see Turner with a toy and then I want it so I try to take it.  And then sometimes I just growl.  Pounce also started agilities.  I'm not sure why she has to learn to be agile, as I mentioned she's a good jumper and she is also pretty twisty!  Whatever, clearly what Pounce wants, Pounce gets.

Pounce is really pouncey

So, the point of this post.

Goats.

We got Goats.

Why on EARTH did we need goats?  I think I've been pretty clear on my dislike (maybe a little bit scaredy pants) of big animals like that.  And these ones have horns, HORNS!  They could KILL ME!  Luckily momma doesn't make me move them around like she makes Turner.  But Turner says he likes it.  I think Turner's getting old and senile.  The only thing goats are good for is goat raisins.  Which brings me to a scary story.  We shall call it "Horror of Horns".

So, in the morning Pounce runs around barking waking us all up and we get put in the back so we can't say hello to the neighbour dogs, cause that is also a bit noisy.  Well, it was raining and I didn't feel like running around with HeLa (I'll get to THAT in a minute) so I was having some pre breakfast goat raisins and pushed open a gate which swung behind me.  No biggie, I know momma will find me eventually.  So I'm wandering and snacking and snacking and wand-...OMG.  Breathe Porter breathe....Oh. My. God.  There are goats.  And there's no fence between us.  I jumped, the goats jumped and ran away, probably to make a plan to kill me with no evidence.  Then momma started calling us to come in.  I tried to open the gate, but I'm not a person, so I coudln't.  She FINALLY came out to get me, after I was sitting in the rain trying to make myself invisible so the goats couldn't eat me and said I was pretty silly.  To celebrate that I was still alive I got to go in the car with her to work, because apparently I made her run late.

And it happened again tonight.  But the goats didn't run away.  Luckily it didn't take her so long to find me, and she wedged the shovel back against hte gate so I can't open it in the morning.  Sometimes my tummy takes over.

LOOKIT HOW EVIL!!!

#endgangs

 Right.  HeLa.  We got another puppy.  I give up.  This one is naked, has sticks on her ears, but luckily no tail.  They got something right with her!  I kinda love her.  Everyone kinda loves her.  Pounce is her bestie, but Turner and Cat and I all play with her lots.  She's really really busy, but that's fun.  We hang out and eat goat raisins together.  She's not scared of anything, not even the goats.  She watches them all the time.

She hangs out with Pounce too much.

You didn't think you'd get through teh whole thing and not get to see me did you?!

All scruffy, just how I like it!

Her ears have shrunk a bit since then.

 Anyways, I wanted to check in. And see if someone would come and take the goats away.  Maybe bring a boat, it's raining lots.  And a goat in a boat would be funny.

By Porter.

TWO LITTLES!! By Porter.

Hi everyone.  You  might remember the last couple posts last year were about Cat delivering us a whole buncha littles.  I wasn't very impressed.  Momma said that we were going to be keeping one.  Well, I might not very good at counting, but I know basic 'rithmatics and a Porter, Turner, Cat and Halen equals four.  Plus one little equals five.  Somehow there's six of us now.  :/  Fleece AND Pounce, Momma, that's TWO!

So yah, we kept two littles.

The spotty one that kinda looks like my poppa did is Fleece.  She is really nice.  She listens really good to us big dogs and is very respectedful.  The black one is evil.  Her name is Pounce.  And that's ALL SHE DOES.  She pounces in my face all the time, but I don't get too mad cause she is pretty cute.  I'm getting to be too mature to be silly and play with them lots, but I do now and then.

 

Yahhh, THIS was a good idea momma.  Maybe they're all so dirty because there's an extra.  Felix stayed with us for a bit cause his face was broken or something.  Then he went to live with a really nice girl on the other side of the boat hwy.

My friend Cat.  Just cause she's so pretty.  K, I might this she's super pretty right now cause of what momma calls hormones.  I guess theyr'e well named, they did make me moan.  But it's all fine now, she's not in season anymore...does that mean that she's in winter while we're all in fall?  Dunno.

 LOOK!  Those littles even get to test out the new car momma bought us!

 My nemesis.  Momma said that she knew me 'n Halen wouldn't be friends forever, and I guess I have to give her that one, she was right.  HE'S SO MEAN!  But Turner says that Halen's only me ta me because I bite him sometimes.  Either way, we're not allowed to play outside together no more, but we're friendly in the house, cause momma makes us be.  Sometimes he makes me feel bad about myself cause I'm so much littler, so I have to growl at him though.

 I decided I had to check out the back of the couch.  All the girls sleep up there and tell me how comfy it is, so I finally checked it out at Cat's persistence.  I don't get it.  It's slippery and round and I think I'd rather just lay on the couch next to her. 

Except that you can do this when momma is trying to take a cute snuggling picture of me up there.  She says I have the fastest tongue in the west.  I dunno who west is, but he better give me back my tongue, cause it belongs in my mouth!

 I learned how to play ball this summer.  It was fun, but I can take it or leave it.  Aren't I amazingly handsome?

I ate some bubbles too.  I really like bubbles.  They feel neat on my tongue the way they burst.  And they make me burp, I dunno if that's good or bad, but whatever, I'm a boy, boys burp.

 We had cake on Turner's birthday!!  Not nearly as good as the beer I got on my first birthday, but the cake was pretty good.  Dunno why I had to have a cone on my head though.

 Oh, now I'm all out of order.  we went camping this summer too!  Momma and Pounce had to go look pretty now and then, but it was so much fun camping, just me and momma and the rest of the dogs.  We got to sleep in a tent and everything!

 HANDSOMEST DOG EVER.

So, there's this rumour going around that momma is going away to Texas again, and this time she's taking Pounce and Turner!!  So unfair.  I think that means they have to fly in the sky, and I'm not very good at flying cause I don't got wings so maybe it's a good idea I'm not going.  Not sure how Pounce and Turner are flying cause they don't got wings either, but momma must have a plan.

This is what Turner's gonna do in Texas. 

This is what Pounce is gonna do in Texas.

 

 That's it for now!  Sorry about the pictures of the other dogs, my momma said I had to talk about something other than me.
By Porter.

What the H E double hockey sticks??! By Porter.

So.  Many people came to my house today, normally this is a good thing.  Today was not good.  Not good at all.  A) they did not take any of the littles with them.  B) THEY DIDN'T SAY HI TO ME!!!!!!!  Um, am I not the reason that people come to my house?  AND I just found out that Janine, one of my new favourite people came over and I didn't even get to see her!  She's getting a little.  Such crap, what's so special about them anyways?  They don't even pee and poop outside!  (okay, sometimes I don't pee and poop outside, but whatever).

I am so done with this littles stuff.  Who wants a Porter Pants, I'm moving out.  Must give attention always and promise to never get a little.

Please send applications to my momma, maybe she'll get the hint when they start pouring in.

Pants.

My world has been taken over by littles. By Porter.

Hi all!  Toldja I'd try to be better about writing this!  So, remember I said Cat was getting fat?  Somehow she stuffed little puppies in her and a few weeks ago she let them out.  Momma and Cat were holed up in the spare bedroom for DAYS AND DAYS!  (okay, it was only a day, but I didn't get to see momma much and we missed a meal and it sure felt like weeks).  Then after all that, momma didn't let us in the spare bedroom to even see what all the fuss was about!  I said I'd be real quiet, but sometimes momma's not very good at reading my language I guess.  Dunno why she was so dense this time, she seems to know what I'm thinking when I want to tell off Halen with no problem.  Anyways, me 'n Turner heard all kinds of peeps and squeals and whines and Uncle Turner told me this is what happened LAST TIME and he looked at me like I was supposed to know what that means.  He finally sat me 'n Halen down and explained what happened almost four years ago when I arrived here!  I think it should have been pretty cool that I arrived...I mean, have you met me?!  But Uncle Turner said it kinda sucked because all us littles got all the attn and no one ever came to see us.  That sounds like no fun.  And then I stayed, so Uncle Turner says we're getting another puppy...I'm not sure how I feel about that.  Isn't Halen enough puppies for the rest of my life?

So ya, that up there...that happened Sept 7th.  And momma took the WHOLE WEEK off work to be with them!  She didn't take no time off work to be with us when we were littles.  Anyways, she says there's eleven of them.  I don't know how many that is, but Turner tells me it takes four feet to count that high.  That's a LOT of littles!

Oh wait!  Back up!  My momma-Impulse came to stay with us!  For a whole month!  And Gambol too!  I think they musta come to keep us company while momma and Cat were busy.  Momma says it was a pain having them, but me and momma Impulse had SO MUCH FUN that I think it was a great idea.

So yah, then last weekend momma moved the littles out to the dog room.  So she totally upset things and they took the space our kennels are usually in and now we have two story kennels and we have to listen to the littles all day.  Actually I sound like I don't like them, but they're kinda cute.  I wish I could get in there with them and share their food.  They look like they have yummy food.  Momma brought a couple out to snuggle on the couch with her today and sniffed them real careful.  I didn't get too close though.

So, that's my big news.  And it's not even about me.  That's sad.